For decades, the practice of naming stars in the sky for ourselves and our loved ones has been considered by man to be the ultimate “grand gesture.”
However, no astronomer recognized these names, and even though money is charged, no one owns the stars. The grand gesture has become an emotionally empty act of commerce.
WHy name a celesital body when you can name a physical one? The hairs on my ass are real. They exist on this planet. Then can be, and have been, touched by humans.
Like the human race itself, the hairs on my ass toil each day, trying to make sense of life itself. No one knows why the hairs exist on my ass. each lives a short while and then dies, but then another takes its place.
You can lend meaning to the lives by dedicating a name to each hair. Whether you name it or yourself, a loved one or a hated one, what you are telling the world is that you care.
For $19.95 (or more), you can bring back the sense of wonder to your life that you thought was long lost. Your purchase will include:
- A handsome digital certificate, officially placing the person of your choosing into the Ass Hair Registry.
- The certificate will include the coordinates that you can use to find your hair on the map of my ass, available only on this site.
- A close-up color photo featuring the hair named after you.
The high-quality photo and certificate are perfect for showing off to friends and family People will be consumed with jealousy when they realize how special you are.
Upon purchase, you will get confirmation emails from PayPal and the Ass Hair Registry. We will do our best to fulfill your order within three business days. We’re not a huge company, and there isn’t a big ass hair making machine in the back. This is very much a manual process, carried out in a loving and dedicated manner. Some even call our product “artisanal.” Those people are pretentious jerks. Stay away from them.
For every dollar that is spent naming a hair on my ass, 25% of the purchase price will be donated to charities we like (listed below).
Although the purchase of a place in the Ass Hair Registry brings with it a sense of fun, we take this portion of ourmission very seriously. We believe in these organizations, and want to support their good work.
We are not a fundraiser for the charities. We are not sponsored by, or associated with, these charities. We are just trying to do a good thing. Even if you choose not to place an order, please do visit their sites and donate directly:
American Red Cross
Natural Rescoures Defense council
Save the Children
The America Cancer Society
Boys & Girls Clubs of America
U.S Fund for UNICEF
The Children’s Aid Society
World Wildlife Fund
Global Fund for Women
Wounded Warrior Project